Quincy University

By Little Bit Bigelow

Quincy University. Ahh, the Quince. I've spent quite a few nights there in my life, as many in a girl's dormitory room as hiding in the bushes from the campus police after picking the lock on the museum to steal another "priceless" artifact. But you'll be wanting a more historical summary than my own misspent youth. So here it is, culled from books I swiped—uh, borrowed—from the Quince's library:

The Quince was founded in 1180 on the European Isle of Flemish Brittania. It was originally just a small building on the edge of the Antwerpen village and monastery. The monks had a fine brewery, which probably helped more than a bit to make the Quince into a thriving college. The name Quincy comes from the Old English "cwen séaw," or "juice fit for a queen."

In the 14th century, the college shut down during the plague. The rumor was that the rest of the European Isles were crawling with plague and Plague-Walkers, so the monks knocked down the Galbus Augusta bridge and started pitching anyone who so much as coughed right into the ocean. This left a lot of college students broke and homeless, so they took vows and moved into the monastery. Meanwhile, the widowed women of the country banded together and moved into the college buildings, where they learned Greek, Latin, and Sanskrit, and developed a new branch of geometry. They refused to move out. Things were just gearing up for a fight when the Mongols arrived and used Flemish Brittania as their base camp to put down the Frank Rebellion. The Mongols had two rules: no churches, and men and women separate. So they burned down the monastery (but not the brewery) and let the women stay in Quince as long as they kept men out.

So, the Quince was a women's college then, and history went on the way it does, with nothing much happening for long periods of time. The Mongols left and the United Isles of Europe formed. All through it, the Quince Widows (who weren't all widows, of course, but you know how a name sticks) were making great discoveries in all fields, but nobody cared because they were girls. Most of them just had to put up with being ignored, but a few found creative ways to get around that. Adam Smith was almost certainly a Quince Widow disguised as a man. The anonymous papers that triggered The Trans-Sylvanian Troubles probably came out of Quince, too. And ZENITH? Look, I've been through my fair share of espionage, and there's not a secret agent alive who'll deny there's a Widow at the heart of that organization.

The Widows were such a tightknit group that nobody ever wanted to leave, until there were nearly more teachers than students. They finally voted to allow male students, preferably rich ones who would leave big endowments that would allow the Widows to continue their world-influencing research in peace. Most of the students were dumb fat cats who did just that, though McMasterson made a small splash before he left.

So there's the history of Quincy University. All I can add is that there's poison ivy in the bushes behind Brede Hall. That was a painful lesson learned.

See: European Isles, First Mongol Invasion, Frank Rebellion, Invisible hands theory of economics, McMasterson's Multiversal Calculus, The Trans-Sylvanian Troubles, ZENITH


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